Dating Rule #3

Be Available, but not TOO Available.

Let’s say you went out on a date. It was fun, you had a great time. He asks to see you again and you tell him you’re free everyday until Friday. It’s Monday. Girl, don’t be surprised if he waits to call Thursday night or Friday morning, if at all.

That means, 4 days of you racking your brain, trying to figure out why he hasn’t called, texted, emailed. 4 days of over analyzing each thing he said, did, and each action and what it might mean.

If you give a guy a week to write a paper, he will write it the night before. If he wants to buy a big screen TV for the Super Bowl, Saturday he will be out looking for one. If you tell him he’s got dish duty tonight, don’t be surprised if they are still sitting in the sink tomorrow, and then washed just in time for you to make dinner.

Guys like to wait it out until the last possible minute. If you are too available, too free, have too much time to sit around, he will wait until the last possible minute, do everything he wants to do first and then call and make a plan with you. But! If you tell him “I am free Wednesday for lunch, or Thursday evening.”, and those are his ONLY choices, he will realize you are a busy person and if he wants some of your precious time, he needs to act fast, or he’ll lose out.

The same can be said about any profession. In fact, when I was starting out in my industry, I went to a seminar about finding, booking and retaining clients. The lecturer said he would look at his books and he would be totally empty but one person at 4:00. If another client called he would give them two options, either 3:30, or 4:30. That way when the clients were leaving they would see another client coming, making it look like he was busier and more in demand than he actually was. It’s the same principal. Granted you don’t want to make it seem like your pants have a turn stall, but the lesson there is all the same.

If a guy wants to see you, he will. If you want to make sure it happens sooner than later, you need to express that by letting him know you’re a busy person and only free this day and this day. He’ll get the idea. If those days don’t work for him, because of work, or previous engagements, then kindly let him know that you have time next week as well and leave it at that. He will either want to book that date now for next week, or he’s going to be calling you Sunday night to make sure you both have time free for the coming week.

The man who doesn’t do this, most likely isn’t in it for the long run, and it’s best to cut him off sooner than later.

Dating Rule #2

No matter how much you want to, less contact is more.

I know you had a great date. I know he's like PERFECT. I know he gave you his number and told you to call/text whenever.

But honestly? Don't.

Make him wait a bit. Make him wonder why you haven't called or texted. Nothing is more intriquing to a guy than the reason you AREN'T calling.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying DON'T CALL AT ALL. No no. I am saying resist the urge to tell him that your dog is acting so cute, or that you are sooooo bored at work. If he contacts you in a timely manner, by all means, answer or respond in the same timely manner. If he takes a good hour to respond to you, then by all means, take an hour to answer. If he plays the text game, than you have to play it better.

I know this sounds so childish, trust me, I know, but games are what boys like to do best. They like to see what they can get away with. They like to see how far they can push it.

One of my best friends was dating a guy and they used to email back and forth a lot. She would send him a great email and if he sent back anything less than that, she wouldn't respond until she got a good email in return. Granted, the next day in her inbox was a nice wordy email of substance. She played the game better.

I went on a date recently and at the end he pulled the "You should call me..." game. Twenty four hours from the date I sent him a "I had a great time yesterday, we should do it again soon." text. He responded an hour later telling me he had a great time too and I should call if I wanted to go out again this week. I didn't respond. An hour later he sent me another text asking if I wanted to go do something. Me: 1. Him: 0.

I'll call him tomorrow.

Dating Rule #1

No kissing on the first date.

This may seem difficult, especially if you REALLY like someone, but I assure you, it’s best to wait.

Now I know you might be thinking, “Well I kissed my boyfriend on the first date and we’re still together, what up with that?” That is all fine and well and I assume that you understand for the most part you are the exception and not the rule.

I will also tell you, that in my experience, men like the chase. I have asked countless men; clients, ex-boyfriends, friends, and relatives, and they all say the same thing. Men like the chase.

If a man doesn’t call you after the first date, even though the date was amazing and you both talked about a second date, but after you deny the kiss, things get weird? He wasn’t the right one for you. Any man you want to be with should respect your rules and if not getting a kiss is a deal breaker for him, he and men like him should be a deal breaker for you.

Don’t take it personally. He just wasn’t willing to “pay” for what you’re “worth”. His loss. Learning this first rule will help you weed out the keepers and ones who are just looking for another notch.

The Story of FauxHawk

I don't want to use names. It's rude and even though the Internet is a very big place, it's very small. Chances are you see this and know someone referenced. Chances are the person this is about cyber-stalked my various online profiles and found this. I don't use real names for the purpose of this, but when dating a few people it can become difficult to differentiate the guys and they all need little nicknames. This is a post about a guy I met on a dating site, who we shall call "Faux Hawk".

Faux Hawk, for the record is a very nice guy. You know the type. Shows up on time, wears clean clothes, maybe even new clothes. He tries to smell as best as he can and he uses what manners he has to impress you as best as he can. Fresh haircut, clean shaven. Very nice guys tend to, as the saying goes, finish last. This is because somewhere along the line they were taught to just simply,"be nice", and just simply being nice, sadly isn't enough.

Now I've dated lots of nice guys. But I'm not looking for "nice". I'm looking for sparks, for wow, for Va-Va-Voom. Most nice guys lack that passion because they are too busy being "nice". For all you nice guys out there reading this, pull out the notepad and brush up.

For our first date, Faux Hawk and I went to dinner and a movie. This is a perfectly perfect example of a, you guessed it, nice date. All of the basic components are there. Nice dinner with very little room to mess up conversation, a movie theater where, at any given time, at least 2 movies will be about to start, and the girl gets to "choose" the flick. Isn't that nice? But what a movie doesn't allow for, is talking. In fact, that can get you kicked out of a theater, and spending half of your date in silence not only guarantees that the date will run at least 3 hours in length with dinner, but also that 2/3rd of it will be error proof. (That's granted you don't sleaze out and try to make some sort of move on them!) A 2/3rd's error proof date is formula for a second date.

For our second date, Faux Hawk and I went to a comedy show. This, like the movie, is usually spent without the ability of conversation. A comedy show is a great place for a date because, (although I would suggest it as a 3rd or 4th date) you can see what type of humor your suitor finds funny. Someones humor says a lot about them. If they are doubled over in laughter at the fart jokes, you're looking at someone who likes to be silly. If they chuckle at the subtle humor in the political jokes, you're looking at someone who likes to be willfully informed about the world around him, (and then you can find out if he's a Republican or Democrat!). If he's laughing at the crude sex humor, he's most likely just a man, but trust me when I say he's probably got a kinked side in there. If he laughs at it all, he could really just be the kind of guy who likes to laugh, and that's ok as long as the comedian was actually funny. Faux Hawk laughed at most, paid for our 2 drink minimum concoctions and we trotted off for a late dinner at a 24 hour diner.

We had some decent grub, and when the check came I was feeling a bit guilty that he had spent so much on the show tickets and drinks that I casually offered to grab dinner, and without a moments hesitation he passed me the check. This struck me as odd, as I'd really never had a man, on a second date mind you, actually take me up on the offer to pay for our meals. I tossed $30 bucks on the counter and we left. I'm not quite sure if a nice guy would do this on the second date, in fact I'm not even sure if a jerk would let the girl pay on the second date. But I have no idea, and that's why I'm here right?

A week went by, I was busy with work and out of town, and eventually we agreed to a third date. This was the one that made me realize Faux Hawk had landed in the dreaded "Friend Zone".

We agreed to meet down at the beach at a place that had been voted "Best of" a few times, and he knows I'm a HUGE foodie so we went. This is the third date, and any true "Nice Guy" would still be on his best behavior, manners completely intact. I show up about 10 minutes after him to find him sitting AT the table IN the dining area. I got a zealous wave of "OVER HERE!" and was slightly peeved at him for sitting without me, and slightly peeved at the wait staff for seating him. We peruse the menu. Seafood. 90% Seafood. This is usually not too much of a problem, but I am allergic to Seafood. Strike Three Mr. Nice Guy. I ordered the steak seeing as there wasn't much else to pick from. We had some nice conversation, (finally!!) and talked about work and his new pet. We ended the night walking down by the beach and finishing the conversation. There are really no sparks with Faux Hawk and as nice of a guy as he is, this is why they always finish last.

Perhaps we will hang out again, but just as friends. He's a bit too overly communicative with the texting and IMing throughout the day, even when I am very busy and express that to him. This is another reason they finish last, they don't "get it". Refer to Rule #2 with this one. Being mysterious and not putting it all out there for the world to see is actually a turn on for both men AND women.

Who knew?!

This is a Social Experiment

I have nothing to lose.

I keep telling myself that. It's an attempt at convincing myself of my process.

I am 28. I am single. I have been in love and I know it exists, but I have yet to find something that sticks.

This is a Social Experiment. I plan to go on dates, and implement the "Dating Rules" I have learned, created and set forth in hopes of proving that having standards, knowing what you want and being up front with them works in the long run.

I will intermittently post the rules I follow between the posts of the dates I go on as they come up. It is my hope that girls like me will read these rules and realize that they need to step up when it comes to dating in today's world.

Everywhere I go, and every man I meet, I talk to him about this. I ask lots of questions and listen to lots of stories. I explain my process and what I hope to get out of it. Most of their reactions are the same. They agree with me on most all points except when it comes to making a man wait for sex. (I think all men hate THAT rule!)

I am not a relationship or advice professional but I think it's safe to say I've had my share of wins and losses, ups and down, Mr. Rights and Mr. Wrongs. I listen to all my friends tragedies and successes, and I try to learn from every experience I have. I read lots of books on the do's and do not's of dating, relationships and love. I want to share this with you.

I hope you will learn from this and pass it on to your friends. I hope you will laugh at my disasters, cry in my misfortunes and share in my successes.